you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
