it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
