U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
