using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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