you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
