he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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