She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
