Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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