She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
