that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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