I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Randomize
