Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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