Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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