Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
