I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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