Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
