So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
