used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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