these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
