I'm really into asian looking animals
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
