I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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