you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
