he looks like a really good dad on facebook
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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