meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
