My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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