i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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