Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
