I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
