Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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