your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
