I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
