Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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