dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
