Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
