I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
