How'd it feel making her break her religion?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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