he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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