I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
