once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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