***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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