I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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