omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
