I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
