redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
