i think i have two assholes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
