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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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