You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
