This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
