Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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