Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
