I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
barbara walters just said penis...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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