i permit you to call me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
