I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
