Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
