dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
