I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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