You made me cry and you don't even care
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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